Why Aren’t I Good Enough?

As a young woman in America societal milestones, norms, and ideals have been constantly thrust upon me without consent or inquiry for the entirety of my existence. From being told what is considered beautiful, to what it “really” means to be successful.

Traditional routes to success are usually paved with education, large groups of friends, beauty, the perfect boyfriend, and money. These are all factors which equate what society deems to be a “perfect life.” But what does life look like for someone without one of these key ingredients?

If you’re reading this, chances are you’re not perfect and your life doesn’t exactly follow what society says it should to be deemed worthy of success. You don’t have the perfect job, the perfect boyfriend, you may only have a few close friends, and you may have just enough money in your bank account to pay all of your bills on time. Taking a stab in the dark, you’re probably reading this article to find some guidance on how to fast track the road to an instagram perfect existence. Sorry to say it, but you’ve come to the wrong article.

Here I am a 26 year old single woman who works too much, cooks meals that require 1 pan and 15 minutes or less (or sometimes doesn’t eat because I forget) does not work out religiously, and as my favorite author, producer, and comedienne, Mindy Kaling says, “I am average American Woman size.”

Based on societal norms, from how I just described myself, you’d be lead to believe that I’m unhappy or live an unfulfilling life. Well, you’d be wrong. Is every day a walking tampon commercial, where I’m so happy that I could just run through a field of flowers that would aggravate the hell out of my allergies? Short answer, no, it’s not. But that’s what makes everyday so wonderful, life doesn’t have to be “perfect” to be fulfilling or exciting.

I’m not saying that I don’t ever feel sad because I’m single, or don’t look a certain way but hey, I’m human and that’s okay. But what’s not okay is letting your life be dictated by versions of other people on the internet that are probably faking it themselves. Have I been ghosted by guys that I have really liked or already built a future with in my head? (More on that later) Of Course! Have I also asked myself the age old question, “Why aren’t I good enough?” Hell yeah, too many times to count. But that is okay too.

If I’ve learned anything from the media and real life failures it’s that success or personal happiness is not and should not be based upon what other people think. At the end of the day the only person that you need to defining success is yourself. It took me 8 years and 3 schools to get my Bachelor’s degree. I am in the first in my family to attend college and did so with honors. It was not easy, I was faced with financial strain, and personal and family hurdles. I had so many opportunities to give up, there were too many times where I thought to myself, “Well, I couldn’t make this happen in four years like the rest of my class…I should probably just give up, I’ll never be successful anyway.” Had I let myself stay down and listen to anger that I had built up, I would never be where I am today.

And while I may not look like the picture perfect idea of success, I know all that it took to be where I am now. I am proud to be a single, game night loving, average height and weight, workaholic. If you need me, I’ll be on my couch dressed in Zoom chic working, studying, and always being good enough.